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Hey. I know it must have taken a lot of courage to click the link back there and see what this 14 year old's come up with now. As you can see, I've not only started to go by my real name again (Jimbo Rowdey?! What the HELL was I thinking?!), but I've also given this column a slightly more interesting name ("d00d5p34k!"). When translated from Doodspeak, the rarely used hacker language (where 1=I, 2=Z, 3=E, 4=A etc.), it means, uh, "doodspeak". Because this column is a dood who speaks to you. Yeah, you.

Hey, it's better than Rowdey's Random Ramblin's! That was way too used-car-salesman-ish, anyway.

To get this party started, I'll start at a random point in the WWF storyline dartboard, which would have to be...

*thock*

T&A, the Hardyz, Trish, and Lita! Sadly enough, I MISSED the Lita-through-the-table spot, which has been hailed as "awesome" by...one columnist...and f I miss anything involving a table, then I go on a mad rage, and have to Orange Crush something. Missed bumps aside, though, this feud is pretty darn fun to follow. Between the Lita/Trish spots, which are definetely a step up over ECW catfights, the Hardyz and T&A have some decent matches, with power vs. flying mixing together nicely. Their fight at the PPV (IF they have one...last time I predicted Blackman vs. Snow, only to find out that it isn't gonna happen)

Speaking of T&A (no, not that kind), howsabout the bump they gave to Scotty Too Hotty? I've tried the same kind of bump many times before off my trampoline, but it was onto mattresses, and was only about 4 feet high. THIS was around 7, though, and only onto some padded mats! Hella mad props to Scotty 2 Hotty, yo!

Buchanan as Steven #2...I can dig it. Beats Bossman's Bud, at least. Course, I STILL don't understand why a "bad ass" like Buchanan would be with somebody like Steven, but we can just leave that up to WWF Logic, which basically says "SCREW the loose ends!". And another thing: Whatever happened to his sweet top-rope legdrop?! I miss that!

Since I've got something big to cover later in this column, I'll try to condense what would've been another one of my columns into one easy paragraph (something you can do to ALL my columns, BTW).

Benoit/Rock--Rocky's Crossface...as Grandmaster Sexay once said to the Big Show, "Now, it wuddint all that bad...but then agen, it wuddint that good! *laughs* *gets splashed through table*".......Perry 'n Terry...Guerrero and Chyna...hey, if it makes for some Saturn/Guerrero matches, I'm not complaining.......Tazz vs. Snow?! Uh...I guess. My (probably wrong) prediction is that Al'l be tossed around for a while, then helped out by Blackman in the end.......Speaking of which, "Hey, Mick."--"Hey, Al." was the funniest moment of the week for me.......Seems that the reaction to Steph Bear's new do is pretty mixed right now: Everything from (paraphrasing) "IT'S NOT STEPH!" to "That dress was SO TIGHT! *pant*" to "Looks like a bad run in with a French hair stylist." I say it's h3774 h0+, but then again, that's just me.

Awright, now that I've got those generic thoughts off the top o' my head, I'd like to try my first ever Abbreviated Tape Recap! Ya see, my good friend got The Classic Five PPVs of '98, which was, in his opinion, the Golden Years of the WWF. Which PPV did I pick?

King of the Ring, baby! You better believe it! Now, to the video. Remember, rather than being a recap, it's gonna be a really quick rundown of what happened. In other words, check out the Net.Cop's recap of it to see more detail.

Show opens with some retro pyros that I miss. Wow, they were so much better back then! More range, uh, density (if I can call it that), color...wow. ALL HAIL THE PYROS OF 98!

First match up was TAKA Michinoku and the Headbangers vs Kaientai, and I gotta say, this was a fun opener, even if I didn't know why TAKA was going against his budz. I miss the old Kaientai, BTW. They bounced around like pachiinko balls and had some of the goofiest selling I've ever seen! TAKA won cleanly after a now-illegal Michinoku Driver. The piledriver, the brainbuster, the tombstone, the Michinoku Driver...ALL of my favorite moves are out the WWF wazoo!

Next up, we had a KOTR semi final, which had Double J (w/ Some Annoying Tennessee Guy, ugly hair, and lotsa pyros) vs. Ken Shamrock. Jarrett, of course, does the Fargo Strut, which I ALWAYS mark out for. Some pretty good back 'n forth stuff here, with Jarrett taking the Ugliest Hurracanrana Ever (right on his head, too!), then tapping out the Ankle Lock in the end. Wow, Shamrock was pretty over back then.

Another KOTR semi final saw Dan Severn (w/ Steve Blackman's personality, and Tank Abbott's gut) vs. The Rock (w/ Nation muzak) in a pretty blah match. Severn hit a bunch of his shootfight submission holds, which NOBODY cared about then--and they continued to not care during his run in the WWF. Eventually, he fell victim to the only highlight of the match, which was D'LO BROWN~! hitting the Lo Down with help from the Nation. This was where he debuted the infamous chest protector, BTW.

Al Snow & Head vs. Too Much (with Jerry the King Lawler as the special ref) was actually declared "bowling shoe ugly" by JR, and ended with Brian Christopher sticking a bottle of Head 'n Shoulders onto Head, then pinning it for the 1, 2, 3 (see, he had to pin its shoulders...har, har.). Needless to say, it was about as good as it sounds. The match's only redeeming part was that Fun to see how horrible a gimmick Brian and Scott had back then.

OWEN~! vs. X-Pac reminded me of three things that were going on during 98.
1. Owen was a KICKASS technical wrestler.
2. X-Pac DIDN'T suck as much.
3. Chyna was uuuuugly...

Now, Owen's gone, X-Pac sucks, and Chyna's about to pose nude in Playboy. The times, they are a-changin'.

Well, one exception, actually: X-Pac won, because even back then, X-Pac NEVER jobs in one on one matches. What a http://serpent231.tripod.com/youreadick.rm.

Next, we had The NAO (w/o current sucktitude) vs. The Midnight Express (w/ James E. Cornette). Wow, the NAO were actually pretty good back then! What HAPPENED?! Not a bad match at all, with the NAO going over Bombastic Bob (Holly) and Bodacious Bart after a doubleteam press slam onto the ropes (Stun Gun?). Bob had some caRAYZAY arsed hair back then.

KOTR FINAL!!!!!!!!!!11: Rock vs. Shamrock. A nice match, with lots of near falls, Triple H doing some funny guest commentary ("Testes...testes...1....2....3...."), and the FLOATOVER DDT~! by the Rock. Shamrock wins with the Ankle Lock to become the 1998 King of the Ring! Whee, I say! Whee!

And then...it was time. Mankind vs. The Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell match

Holy CRAP. Words just can't describe this one. The fall off the top, the chokeslam through the cell, the tacks...everything in it amazed me. You just can't give a start rating to this match...SCREW the ratings! The fans were blown away, and loved every minute of it, the two amazing guys working the match, and the genuine emotion from Ross and Lawler made for the most amazing match I've ever seen. I just can't put my thoughts into coherent words on this match, but it ranks on my Top 3 Matches list along with Hardyz/Dudleyz/E&Cz at WM2000 and Razor/Shawn Ladder Match at WMX. Unbelievable.

Ever been performing in a talent show or something, and the act before you absolutely blew the roof off the place? That exact situation goes for Austin vs. Kane in a First Blood Rules match. They must've been VERY nervous about their match backstage after seeing what Hell in a Cell turned out to be, but surprisingly, managed to put on a pretty good show for the rabid crowd. Austin was wearing the crimson mask in the end, laid out Kane with a chairshot in the end, drawing the moral victory. Course, he lost the WWF Title, but who DIDN'T see this one coming? I mean, how the hell do you bust open Kane? Rip part of his body suit off and try there? Or try to take off his mask and bust an eyebrow? Really, it didn't make much sense at the start for Kane to lose this, especially when you take the fact that Austin wears the least amount of protection of anybody in the roster...

And there you have it. Gowdey's King of the Ring '98 thoughts, and random other stuff. I'm amazed you read down here, really. :)

Brownie Point for this week goes out to Brad "Pregasus?!" Curran, not only for being a good columnist, and the only other one at Firewrestling.com besides me, but for actually mentioning my column not once, but TWICE in his! That means double the recognition! SMELL THE EGO, PEOPLE!

Going away thought for today is "Go see X-Men if you haven't already, cuz' it's flashy 'n fun 'n stuff. SCREW all of the diehard fan losers out there who complain about Wolverine's claws not making the right noise when they come out. It was damned entertaining, peeps!"

Oh, and BTW, I'll be off to CANADA to visit some relatives for a few weeks, then gone for another week at a summer camp, so I might have to take some time off for the column writing. It's been great so far, though, and I can't wait to come back to keep going. Beats piecing together some CRAPPY ANIMATIONS, at least (and Brad, BTW, I'm not getting paid for this, so I'm allowed to say whatever I want about Those Damn Message Boardz :D ).

And until next time, this is James Gowdey (NOT ROWLEY!), saying, "Mahalo." --James GOWDEY, NOT ROWLEY! (rrrgghghh...)

Proud Half-Canadian As a tribute to my going away to Canada for a few weeks (hopefully, I can use the computer they have up there at my uncle's house), here, for your enjoyment, I give you: O CANADA!